


Abandoned

by stargatefan_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Gen, Missing Scene, POV First Person, Post-Episode: s05e21 Meridian, Season/Series 06
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-01-01
Updated: 2004-01-01
Packaged: 2018-10-06 13:01:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10335290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stargatefan_archivist/pseuds/stargatefan_archivist
Summary: Spoilers: "Revelations", "Meridian", "Fire and Water"Summary: Sam has the blues after Daniel’s ascension.  Missing scenefor "Revelations"





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Yuma, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Stargatefan.com](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Stargatefan.com). To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [StargateFan Archive Collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/StargateFan_Archive_Collection).

Stargate SG-1 | Missing Scene Fanfiction | Abandoned

##  Abandoned

##### Written by Barb  
Comments? Write to us at [barbwire@sprintmail.com](mailto:barbwire@sprintmail.com)

  * SPOILERS : "Fire and Water," "Meridian," "Revelations." 
  * SUMMARY : Sam has the blues after Daniel’s ascension. Missing Scene "Revelations" 
  * G [1st] [A] [M] 



* * *

_  
_

<from "Revelations">

Sam: "So what did you do?

Hammond: "I learned to live with it."

~~~

I’m sorry, General, but I just can’t do that. Not yet, and not under these circumstances. I still can’t believe that Daniel’s gone, and until we do something to mourn him – publicly, together – I won’t learn to live with it. How am I supposed to move on? It feels like nobody in the SGC has even acknowledged his loss. No memorial service. No recognition of the man who was so vital to this program. No nothing: it’s an insult. It’s an insult to Daniel and to all he worked for.

When Nem captured Daniel and planted those false memories in the Colonel and Teal’c and me – we had a memorial service for him then. The Colonel gave a short eulogy that was beautiful in its restraint and its eloquence. I still remember word for word what he said: "Daniel Jackson made this place...happen. As a member of SG-1, he was our voice, our conscience. He was a very courageous man. He was a good man. For those of us lucky enough to know him, he was also a friend." It was so simple, so true. It took every ounce of restraint I had to keep my composure as the Colonel and I dropped that wreath through the event horizon.

And then after the memorial service, we had a proper Irish wake for Daniel. Well, what other kind would we have, given that it was Colonel O’Neill’s idea? That time, at least, we came together as we dealt with our grief. We depended on one another; we leaned on one another. We helped one another cope with Daniel’s absence and our loss, even though it cost General Hammond a car window. It was a group effort: even when we started to doubt our memories, we still dealt with it together.

This time, though? After we all saw him at the end, when he was so, so sick, and Dad tried to help him, and then…when he…. Nothing. Nobody’s done anything. There’s barely an acknowledgement from the people Daniel came to regard as his family. It’s so unfair to him! They all act as though he was never a part of our lives, as though he never…mattered.

I don’t know what drew me to Daniel’s office. Yeah, actually, I do: he’s left such a huge hole in my heart, I had to try to find some little…I don’t know, some essence of Daniel to try to fill it. I needed something of Daniel to be in the room, something tangible.

God, it was hard. _Everything_ in there was Daniel: the clutter that only he could navigate; the overflowing shelves and precariously-stacked piles of reference books; the artifacts covering every available surface, awaiting Daniel’s practiced eye and unique way of thinking to unlock their secrets. Most poignantly, the two pictures still on his desk, one of him on camelback, one of Sha’re. Daniel and his beloved Sha’re: both of them gone now.

What really did me in, though, was finding his glasses. They were just…lying there under the lamp on his desk, beside of his journal. So casual. It looked as though he’d been writing up his field notes and had just taken off his glasses while he ducked out for yet another cup of coffee.

It really hit me then, and it hit hard. It all just looked so…so normal, as though he’d be back any minute. That’s when I broke down for the…well, I don’t really know how many times I’ve cried now. I picked up his journal, and I hugged it for all I was worth, and I cried some more. So casual. He’ll be back in a second. But he won’t. Not this time.

And nobody seems to give a damn.

The Colonel won’t talk about Daniel at all. He just reverts to that old "suck it up and stay emotionally detached" military mindset. He was so brusque about it in the hallway: "It’s the job: we lose people all the time." And then, "What do you want me to do? He’s gone. We have work to do." That hurt like hell. I can’t believe the Colonel, of all people… I mean, I know he keeps a tight rein on his emotions, but Daniel was his _best friend_ , for God’s sake! He deserves better treatment. Especially from Colonel O’Neill.

Teal’c and I talked a little during this last mission, but he’s not very open with his feelings, even under normal circumstances. He claims that Jaffa warriors would consider Daniel’s ascension to be a great achievement. I told him I didn’t give a damn about great achievements: I would rather have Daniel back. Then there was a little crack in Teal’c’s emotional armor: he simply said, "As would I."

I know Janet’s grieving, too, but it’s far too soon to talk with her about it. If she came out from behind her professional façade right now, I know she’d crumble just like I did in Daniel’s office. So many times she worked miracles to bring him back from the edge of death, and then to have to stand by helplessly while the radiation poisoning ate him alive…. It has to be killing her. I know I should offer her a shoulder to cry on, but how can I when I’m still crying myself? I can’t offer Janet any solace – I can’t be the strong one – when I’m still grieving myself.

And General Hammond tried; he really did. I know he tried to sympathize and wanted to offer me a little comfort. I was touched that he chose to share what he went through, losing his best friend in Vietnam. Commanding officers generally don’t reveal that kind of personal information to their subordinates. Ultimately, though, his attitude seems to be the same as the Colonel’s: things happen, people die; you have to move on, Major.

God, I can’t. This is Daniel we’re talking about – _Daniel_. I’ve pulled so many all-nighters with him, trying to puzzle out some piece of alien technology, trying to decipher some riddle or another, whether it was cultural, technological, whatever. We fed off one another; we taught one another; we learned from one another. We were part of one another.

The tragic, painful irony is that the only other person on this planet – or any other – that I could share my grief with right now is the very person I’m grieving. God, Daniel, why?!

I feel so alone.

**The End**

  


* * *

  


>   
>  **Author's Notes:** Sam’s reactions during "Full Circle," both to  
>  Jack’s and Teal’c’s admissions that they’ve previously seen Daniel, and  
> to Daniel’s perfunctory greeting to her, made me wonder what she thought  
> subsequently. Seeing "Meridian" and "Revelations" after I  
> saw "Full Circle," I realized there was a nice arc here regarding how  
> Sam ran the gamut of emotions in dealing with Daniel’s loss.  
> "Fallen" and "Homecoming" simply tied the bow on the  
> package. J
> 
> Thanks to Iona for beta-ing.

* * *

>   
>  © November 2003 Any original scenes and characters are  
> mine. Regrettably SG-1 aren’t: they belong to MGM, Bridge, Double Secret,  
>  Gekko, SciFi, et al. However, what Sam, Jack, Teal’c, and Daniel do when they’re  
> off-duty isn’t up to MGM, Bridge, Double Secret, Gekko, SciFi, et al, now is  
> it? J There was no financial profit on my part  
> from this work of fiction. All writing is mine: mine, mine, mine! Please do not  
> copy or reproduce it without asking me.  
> 

* * *

  



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